One thing I have always been sure of in my life is that I wanted to be a mum. As a child I used to play with my dolls for hours; as a teenager I was the super nanny in the neighbourhood; and as a young adult I wrote top 10 name lists in my diary for any future children.
I was only waiting to find the Love of my Life.
When I was 28 years old, I met the Love of my Life. Just when I was about to travel through Asia on my own for two months.
I quickly booked my flight and went ahead with my plan. After six weeks he came to find me and we have been inseparable ever since.
Our relationship has been filled with passion, love and adventure: we have always had all that going for us.
On my thirtieth birthday I stopped using birth control: Frank and I were very sure we were ready to start a family. I thought it would be a beautiful moment to ‘conceive a baby’.
The first month went by…then the second… and the third. My belief and self- confidence of becoming a mum slowly changed into a deep and overwhelming feeling of insecurity.
After a year of waiting, we went to the doctor’s. He sent us to hospital. After many physical examinations and months of waiting, we started our first fertility treatments: IUI and IVF. We became experts in areas that had been unknown to us before.
My true story is about love, travelling and fertility issues. Three elements that have played big roles in our lives. The book is about how relaxed we used to be, how we always try to look at things from the bright side, and how we dealt with and made up for our disappointments (another failed IVF attempt? – Let’s book a trip to Marrakech), until the moment I felt genuinely miserable. I realised that the women around me got pregnant easily and we were left behind, empty-handed.
Although she has her own story to tell, my older sister gave birth to two healthy children in the time that we were trying. My friend got pregnant three times in three years. I was really happy for all those pregnant women, but I was fed up and most of all so sad and disappointed that we were not blessed with the miracle of life.
So, what was plan B? Can you still be happy if you don’t get what you wish for most in life? We have always learnt that if you work hard enough, you can make your dreams come true, reach your goals. Our dream though, despite all the hormone treatments and dozens of hospital visits, never seemed to come true.
How far should you go? We were able to create the high points in our lives only to end up on a rollercoaster of hope, disappointment, sadness, acceptance and moving on. The feelings of insecurity were growing, and the feelings of sadness were getting more unbearable every time we found out I was not pregnant.
Although the wish had not been fulfilled yet, we were able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly the sun started to shine again and our luck returned.
I hope that you, as a reader of my story, can both laugh about and cry along with the story and that you will find that you can empathise with what we have been through.